This is an excerpt from The Way of Wisdom Bible Study from Jen Wilkin, Ruth Chou Simons, Kelly Minter, Adrienne Camp, Elizabeth Woodson, and Courtney Doctor.

If you’re a fan of cotton candy, you know what it’s like for your eyes to see something that makes you expect fullness only for your mouth to experience otherwise. Regardless of how much volume the pastel mass before you has, even the biggest mouthful proves to be nothing more than a little bit of sugar and a lot of air. There’s no true substance. Words can work similarly: sometimes grandiose or voluminous, but lacking true substance. God’s Word, especially the book of Proverbs, has much to say about unwise speech in general, and two types of unwise speech more specifically—bragging and flattery, and we’ll find that the solution to both issues is the same: to speak life. 

Bragging is defined as: Words designed to draw attention to yourself, your accomplishments, your possessions, or your status. 

"The one who boasts about a gift that does not exist is like clouds and wind without rain."

Proverbs 25:14 CSB

"Don’t boast about tomorrow, for you don’t know what a day might bring. Let another praise you, and not your own mouth—a stranger, and not your own lips."

Proverbs 27:1-2 CSB

Solomon compares bragging to “clouds and wind without rain” (25:14a, CSB). In other words, false signals. Unsubstantiated claims. Jesus tells a parable about a braggart in Luke 18 where we can see this at play. 

The Pharisees were highly respected (but often hypocritical) religious leaders in Jesus’s time. In contrast, tax collectors were widely believed to be dishonest in their dealings with people. In the parable, the Pharisee goes to the temple to pray, but the focus of his prayer is how grateful he is that he’s “not like other people—greedy, unrighteous, adulterers, or even like this tax collector.” (Luke 18:11, CSB). He goes on to describe all of his religious activities with an attitude of pride. The tax collector’s prayer, on the other hand, is rooted in humility. He doesn’t lift up his eyes to heaven as he prays—even his physical posture is one of humility. He asks God for mercy as he identifies himself as a sinner.  

The conclusion of the parable reveals that only one man, the tax collector, walked away justified (made right with God). Words designed to call attention to ourselves, our accomplishments, our possessions, or our status are missing the point. They’re false signals to the world, and just like the Pharisee’s claims of righteousness, our Father in heaven sees right through them.  

Flattery can be defined as smooth talking motivated by manipulation to get what you want.  

On the surface, flattery seems innocent enough, and it is a type of speech sometimes even viewed as a kindness. But the heart motivation underneath words of flattery points to something destructive. 

"A lying tongue hates those it crushes, and a flattering mouth causes ruin."

Prov. 26:28 CSB

"A person who flatters his neighbor spreads a net for his feet."

Prov. 29:5 CSB

“Oh, you always have the best ideas!” Flattery? Or an encouraging affirmation? The sentiment can be offered both ways—one manipulative and the other genuine. So, what makes the words an affirmation rather than flattery?  

When we use words to manipulate a situation instead of sincerely delighting in the person, we are “spreading a net” for our own feet (Prov. 29:5). 

Our motivation for calling out our best qualities (bragging)—or someone else’s (flattery)—means something. In fact, our motivations can be the difference between a mouth full of sugar and air or true substance. If our speech is motivated by a desire to manipulate to get what we want, then the underlying problem is our desire for control—control over our reputation, power, influence, position, or status to name just a few things. When we attempt to take control by bragging, boasting, and using flattery, we’re not only not trusting God, we’re also potentially harming the recipient of our words. 

The opposite of speech that over promises and under delivers is speech with true substance—words that speak life for the hearer. Wisdom beckons us to speak life. 

 In John 14:6, Jesus tells His disciples that He’s “the way, and the truth, and the life.” Jesus didn’t just show us the way, He is the way. So, if we seek to “speak life,” we seek to speak words about Jesus, according to Jesus, and in alignment with the heart of Jesus. One of the simplest ways we do this is to rehearse the truths of God’s Word. When we read and meditate on what the Bible says about who God is and who we are in Christ, and then repeat these truths to others, we speak life.